Thursday, 18 September 2008

4 January 2007
Gosh Ive had a really down day today.One of those days were I woke up feeling stressed and the day just got worse.Kids have punched a hole in the wall separating one bedroom from another (throught the plasterboard)by playing Kung foo,pulled the curtains off the rail and someone (suspicious it may well be my 3yr old)crushed up my new Elizabeth Arden lipstick and hid it in a toy watering can :-(.I guess thats not really why I am starting to feel so depressed though...I now have thrush (again)I finish the antibiotics tonight but I am sure its not helping my mood,and worst of all I have a nasty sore throat which (once again) is preventing me going to the NICU.When we do go in though DH has to drive me in the evening and as we have no-one to babysit we have to trail all 5 children with us...that in itself wouldnt be too bsd if they were all able to play quietly but...with two children with special needs (ie autistic spectrum disorders and ADHD) its a total nightmare!!!Have been lurking about the BW March club on and off all day,reading the messages,just dont feel i can really reply to them as not Pg anymore so the excitement of getting nearer to the birth and gettingn things ready doesnt apply to me...I still cant get anything ready as unlike those who are pregnant ,I STILL dont know whether my little one will make it :-(The other main topic of conversation is baby bumps and how big/small they are and whether they are too big etc.This is probably going to sound SOO bitchy (though its not meant that way) but I would kill to still have a bump of ANY shape or form and wouldnt moan what size I was,Id just rejoice that my baby was still safely tucked away and not fighting for dear life and having tubes stuck down its throat and needles stuck into it several times a day!!!!.....It jsut seems so pointless.Here I go blubbling all over the place again,what an emotional wreck I am. I appologise to anyone reading this entry,its not meant to sound so nasty and over emotional,Im just having a really bad day.Off to sob somewhere else

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