19 January 2007
seem to have spent most of the last 48hrs at the unit.There are concerns that her kidneys arent functioning properly so they are measuring using output and running more tests on Monday as its the weekend now so cant do them.What do I say...the nurses have all been fantastic and very concerned.Seri, you have so many people trying to do the best for you at the moment...you even have 2 nurses looking after you at the moment...very spoilt.Its just so hard watching you struggle so much.All i could do was clean round your little mouth and talk to you to calm you after your latest round of blood tests.I feel totally exausted tonight,just cant sleep though.I feel like my heart is going to burst with love for you little darling,just wish I could share some of it with you through cuddling you and just holding you close...its all so un-natural and goes against your instincts.When you are at your most poorly is when I must not touch you,just adds to the feeling of utter helplessness.I jsut pray that these antibiotics kick in this evening and there is some improvement..some glimmer of light breaking through this seemingly eternal night.It seemed wierd somehow today coming out of the queit of the neonatal unit to see the hustle and bustle of normality going on outside...when inside my babe is fighting to live...like everything should somehow stop.Please God when the sun rises in the sky tomorrow may it also mark the start of your recovery darling Seraphina xx