22 July 2007
What do I say at the moment? That my heart breaks for you,that I cant bear the thought of ever being in this life without you?or that your little smile is the only thing that keeps me going...WHY cant the doctors give me some proper answers?The thought that you may not make it to your first birthday fills me with dreadand I think thats beyond anything I can bear!I HATE all these stupid tubes but know thats whats keeping you alive.How i wish that you could feed from a bottle and breathe without oxygen and all the paraphanalia that comes with it.I just want my little Seri to be 'normal',want to be able to pick you up and walk around with you,put you in your sling without worrying about where your connectors will go or how much oxygen is in your cylinders!We named a star after you today..Seraphina star is in the constalation of Pegasus (front left foot LOL!),got the location and everything so I can see your star shining on me every night :-).Your dedication is provisionally booked for the 26th August,just hoping you are not in hospital again,but thats impossible to predict I know.You dont know how much I wish i had been able to keep you in for longer and how much I blame myself for all this suffering you are going through.All I can say is Im so SO sorry darling and if there was anything i could do to alter this then I would.I just feel so helpless ....I dont think I can go on living if you arent there with me ,hang on sweetheart.I pray the doctors will have some briliant idea about how to put you right.I love you SOOOO much darling one.Mummy