2 January 2007
5/12/06Well you are 9 days old today!I went in to see you last night with Penny (my Best friend).Rick our pastor had already been inwhen you were only a few days old and blessed you as we didnt know at that stage if you would survive very long.Penny was allowed to see you and I sat and held your,tiny little hand.You are off the ventilator now and on CPAP (continuous positive air pressure)and your feeds which started off at 0.5mls per hour are now up to 1.5mls per hour.You have had a brain scan and this is fine so far (you are at very high risk of bleeds on the brain)and you have had a cardiac scan which shows you have a hole (PDA).We are so proud of our little fighter and thank God every day for keeping you safe so far.7/12/066.45pmTonight I feel as though my heart is breaking.We have had the news that you are not doing so well.The hole in your heart is causing problems with your circulation and they have had to start you on a drug to try and close it.They didnt want to start this drug yet,not until you were a lot bigger but thtey have had to....no going back now.The risks of renal failure or intercranial bleeds they say is high.I am praying SO hard for you to survive sweetheart.We have known each other for so short a time- we havent even had a cuddle yet or seen your eyes open for the first time or heard you cry...so many things yet to share together my lottle darling.We've only just said hello - I dont want to say goodbye yet.I cant wait to see you again this evening and to hold your fragile little hand.To show that I am here loving you despite the barriers between us,willing you to hang on in there and at the same time trusting God not to let you suffer.My little Angel,in Gods Hands,Mummy loves you.