18 January 2007
I feel so angry at the utter helplessness of the situation.The hospital phoned in the early hours of this morning but couldnt get through as they had an incorrect number but contacted my DH to say that Seraphinas condition had deteriorated fast.They thnk that the likelyhood is that she has picked up another infection and had started her on antibiotics.The blood cultures take 48 hours though and so they cant be sure.I have been with her all day and she has been going downhill all day.She is now no longer coping well with CPAP and they have said that if she gets too tired and needs re-ventilating then she will have to be transferred out to another unit.She looks grey in colour and her sats are dipping regularly to the 60's.Her sugar levels are dangerously high even though they have withdrawn feeds and they are putting up a potassium drip as that is too low.She looks SOO tired this evening and when she looked at me this evening as they were doing yet another load of bloods ...well, she just looked like she had had enough.she didnet even have the strength to hold onto my finger.I just cant stop the tears from falling this evening.I feel so helpless and yet again so guilty that I couldnt protect her from all this.They are taking more bloods at 6pm this evening because one of the antibiotics is toxic and so they need to monitor the levels in her blood.I cant type anymore I am just SOO gutted.I dont want to lose my little angel I love her so much and its killing me watching her suffer like this.Her is a ppicture of my sweetheart before this nasty bug hit...she is SOO gorgeous and so fr