As many of you know we have had a tough few weeks. Seraphina s still only tolerating half strength feed, she has lost a considerable amount of weight. We went up to Sheffield again and have had to start another medicine called azathioprine which is an immunosuppressant as well as pushing the steroids up to maximum again as she doesnt tolerate them being lowered.
We saw the opthalmologist this week who again confirmed that she has a cortical visual impairment (although not too bad) and then we saw our local consultant who looked at a lump I had been a little concerned about in her tummy and confirmed it was an incisional hernia (her bowel has herniated through a past operation incision ) so this means another op for my girl to fix it.
Then we had to go to hospital twice with temperatures so that they could check her blood cell count due to being imunosupressed so they could see if she was able to fight off the infection and have medicine accordingly.
Life seems to be a game of ''hospital hokey cokey' at the moment and the other children are also feeling the strain,particularly the eldest three, . their schools have been good reducing the amount of homework they have to complete and we have spoken to them all and prayed together but Its hard when they ask you why God hasn't healed Seraphina completely yet.
I have no answers for that ... my faith is still strong ,but my longing to see my girl healed is too.
Yesterday was one of 'those' days.I was looking at the photos and pictures we had taken only a few days ago ...Seraphinas 5th Birthday.How my heart ached to see her eat some cake, open her own presents,blow out her own birthday candles...speak and run around like any other 5 year old girL
She had spent the morning crying with tummy ache, hadnt been well enough for physio for months and was having more spasms.
I cried out to God ...WHY?? Have you forgotten her ??? PLEASE show me you still care...that you remember my little girls name!!!
I immediately felt bad about my outburst even though I knew that God didnt mind.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. Isa 55:8
came to mind and I left it there and carrried on with the rest of the day.David had one of his rare working from home days and we had an appointment in the afternoon.
and then, a couple of hours later....with Gods help my little girl gave us the BEST Christmas present we could ask for
I grabbed my camera phone straight away and tried to capture some of it on film before she got too tired...she had already walked the length of the living room from the hallway and I just got the tail end of her walking here...Im sure you get the idea :-). She had walked with assistance for the first time a few months ago but this was something else!! watch out Christmas tree this year :0) !!!
I know many of you wont agree with this but this is WHAT I believe
God hasn't forgotten her...things may not be panning out the way I thought they would,or hoped they would but he DEFINITELY hasnt forgotten her and I believe this is what he was trying to tell me.
HIS ways not mine....always.