Tomorrow it will be 12 months since we received Seraphinas diagnosis.
This evening I got a message from a friend who was pregnant the same time as me but who I havent heard from since then asking me how Seraphina enjoyed her first day at school and attaching a photograph of her smiling little girl standing up straight in her school uniform.
It cut me to the core.
Dont get me wrong, Im not angry or bitter at this lady...she didnt know about Seraph and Im so pleased for her and her little girl (who incidentaly looked gorgeous in her school uniform)..But its times like these that it hits you again...everything goes ticking along quite nicely and then WHAM!...pain....like rubbing salt into a fresh wound..it stings.
Its also not that I 'feel ashamed' in any way of her...Im as proud a mummy as ever lived...my girl is an absolute star,I just wish it didnt have to be this way.
God has been doing some wonderous things in my little girls life, my life and the rest of my family and for that I am so so grateful BUT....I am human and sometimes....just sometimes...when you think you have 'come to terms' with your daughters condition and everythings fine....WHAM! you get hit a curveball and reminded of what could have been....
....and it hurts...it hurts real bad.
2 comments:
I'm sorry you had another difficult moment when things hit home at how different things could of been. My mums at the stage now that she dreads people asking if she's got kids as it goes tge sane way each time, they ask how old, she tells them, they say 'what does she do' then the whole 'well shes been bedbound for the last 10 years but runs a charity', generally followed by a quiet 'oh' or asking what tge condition is and giving some crazy suggestion of treatment! I think everyone struggles when reminders like you got come up reminding what feels 'normal' is very different to others daily 'normal' x
I do know exactly how you are feeling. Our world is so different to others at times that it hits us with the reality of our life.
Wednesday Alan and I bumped into friends we had seen for about ten years, their first question was "how many children do you have now". It cut me to the core, four one in heaven is a great way to end a conversation.
My heart breaks for you on the anniversary of Seri's diagnoses but I say to you what I used to say to myself. "Rett syndrome is what she has not who she is".
Love you loads xxx
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