almost a year

Its almost a year since we received Seraphinas genetics results, a time when life as we knew it fell apart. when the maybe's we darent face became realities, when hope (except from a miracle from God) for a full recovery were lost.
oh my....what a year its been!.whilst keeping up the front of having it 'all together' I have fallen apart...we all have. I have reached the depths of despair personally, felt my life crashing around my ears.

But........God.

Some people reading this will undoubtedly go 'oh no! not another God mention' but..as I have said time again I will not lie, my blog is from the heart. When I had reached rock bottom....God reached out to me..In my total despair  I was not alone.

Tonight,I want to thank God for my littlest daughter.

Seraphina you are the world to me, life may have dealt you an awful blow but you have risen above it...indeed you have done more than that, you have soared like an eagle, as though this life cannot touch you. you are a star..your beautiful smile, your spirit which is never defeated. Seraphina I love you and admire you so much.the way you have dealt with this puts me to shame.you suffer so much and yet you smile SO much.

When you are going through such a tough time you need friends..you value your friends so much...you find out who your true friends are. I thank God for all my friends.
There are many people who have helped me along the way..particularly in the last 12 months...who have helped my family
Tonight I want to thank them and ask God to bless them as they have blessed me....

To the stranger ? I dont know who who phone my children before Christmas when I was in hospital with Seraphina and couldnt buy them presents. He pretended to be Santa and told the children to look outside. ....outside was a sack of presents. Thank you...you made my familys Christmas...I wlll never forget the wonderful thing you did xxx May God bless you.

To Dave Hodges...Thankyou for being Gods taxi, for being there when I needed to do a rushed trip to Sheffield Childrens hospital, for being willing to just drop everything and ferry me and Seraphina up there. you and Sarah and your precious children mean so much to me. God bless you all.

To Penny...thank you sweetheart for all the little things...the trips to Asda as silly o clock, the chats in the car post schoool run, the fact that you are there for me at the end of the phone, the fact that you miss Ann as much as I do and I can talk about it with you without feeling silly + numerous other things.

To Claire Paxton... thanks for making the vest for Seraphina..we have used it so much, the poppers are falling off now but it has been so valuable for keeping Seraph warm particularly when she has been really poorly and unable to regulate her body temp properly.you have helped me more than you know...you are an utter star to me xxx love you lots xxx

 To Rachel...my lovely university friend, bridesmaid and best buddy. Thankyou for being there, by making my life better just be knowing you are always at the end of the phone. but persisting even when I am at my lowest, by all the numerous ways you have shown yourself to be an angel to me...we have a lot of history together you and I...and I thank you for every precious moment of it. I was truly blessed when I met you. I love you so so much xxx...words arent enough xxxx

To the person who sent the silver heart...I honestly dont know where it came from or how it came to be in my coat pocket but the times i have put my hands in my pockets in times of stress and found it to be there are numerous, thank you for the blessing it has been to me, the reminder of Gods love and peace.

and lastly but not least to God, who has made all this possible. who knew how hard we would be hit by all of this and provided a framework of people to support me and my family through it all. I have willingly given you my life and even this isnt enough...I would never be able to repay you but, you dont desire that, you want my heart and you have it...I love you God... forever and always.

I thank God for bringing me and my family through the last 12 months,for helping me personally to a much better place mentally and spiritually..life is good



and where are we now?... to coin a phrase from another beloved friend of mine Tina Hillier....I dont know what the future holds but I know who holds the future.