I thought about maybe doing another blog for this post but then , its all part of being in'Seraphinas world' and so it seems to fit somehow...
I have been struggling with one thing on and off for a while now,I ponder on how my life has turned out so far.It was my husband and my wedding anniversary recently,14 years together.I flippantly said 'hunny if we had known 14 years ago everything that has happened to us so far...would you have still married me?.Of course he said yes, he knew his life wouldnt be worth living if he said no lol! but seriously, Eastenders has nothing on our life!
But, this got me thinking, how strange it is that I did a degree in Art, and ended up only using it to paint my daughters bedroom walls.I studied literature..and all I write is my daughters bedtime stories, I studied music and now I play the theme from 'Dora the explorer',I trained to be a teacher and studied special needs...and now I have three special needs children and plan on homeschooling the sickest one.
How life changes.....
Now dont get me wrong,I dont resent or regret my family and I rejoice in Gods provision, trainning me up for the job I have now.My family is my life,so so precious..BUT, who am I now?
Lots of who I am I have forgotten, or mislaid along the way to being a wife and then a mother.My dreams vanished like dew on a summer morning. However hidden away in the farthest corner of my mind again are my dreams,put on hold. I had forgotten lots of them until recently through painting and peoples reactions they reappeared as they ever were.Which makes me wonder do we follow our dreams or, when thats not possible do they follow us only to reappear before us when the time is right?
I have decided tentatively to 'get out there' and discover who I am again,I dont know how long it will take, what I will find along the way but I have to do it,this one thing, for me.
At the risk of making any reader groan, this reminds me of the lyrics of a song...cheesy but good lyrics
I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
MILEY CYRUS - THE CLIMB LYRICS